Getting a head start

The toughest thing about writing, to me, is picking a good headline. Remind me of this statement in future, when I say that the toughest part is the first line, conclusion, structure and everything else.

In my case, I find that my headlines depend on what I am reading or imagining at the moment. If it is sensational fiction, I come up with 'Breathless in the dark' or worse, 'Bloodstained fangs'. If it is a classic of some sort, I come up with "Something's rotten in the state of...wherever'. If I'm doing cryptic crosswords, I go in for puns or onomatopoeia!

I did learn plenty of do's and don'ts about headlines in a course I did. The trouble with theory is that it is often most unhelpful in real life. I challenge anyone to solve the Middle-Eastern conflict "social constructivist-ly", or "destructuralistically". (Having spent a good chunk of my Masters' trying to apply these two to real conflict, I ought to know).

So, headlines. I tend to put in an allusion wherever possible. Most often, this is a military or historical allusion - probably because those are my two favourite reading matter. But what happens when your readers don't get the allusion? For instance, the other day I alluded to Beau Brummell (thankfully, the dandy didn't see the light of day). How many people today know who he was without googling? For that matter, the number of people aware of the Regency period and its figures can probably be counted on your fingers - and toes, if you like.

My bete-noire is alliteration. I use it left, right and centre, in season and out of season. So I come up with 'Red renegade', 'Deep depths' (?), 'High heights' and the like. I have vowed to deny myself a treat each time I use alliteration in future.

You know, when your mind's alert and the words are flowing, and suddenly, they just stop? That happens to me when I try to think of a headline. My imagination, otherwise overactive, even arrant, just stops, and I use nasty cliches such as 'Blame game', 'Seeking shelter' and 'Slow and steady'. EWWWWWWWWWWW!

Maybe I'm just trying too hard. I've stayed awake for hours at night, racking my brains for a header, and I am someone who always crashes at 10pm (I don't even have to try -- I run out of steam by then and sleep wherever I am). Another tendency I have is to give long, I mean LONG headlines. More so if it's an allusion. I've come up with 'Methinks the lady doth protest too much', and 'The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world'. Headlines ought to be short, crisp and catchy. Mine are long, boring and cliched. I ought to make a living as a door-to-door salesperson instead. Only, I bet no one would buy a thing from me.

I know, I know, it's one of those appallingly low-self-esteem phases.